i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
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