he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
