I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
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