Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Randomize
