I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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