At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize