Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
