The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I did not marry a roomba.
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