HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
