Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Randomize
