barbara walters just said penis...
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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