Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
She tied me up with her honor cords...
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
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