So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Randomize