my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Randomize
