just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
Randomize
