Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
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