I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Randomize
