I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
