i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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