it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
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