just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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