GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
