Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Banned from zoo.
Again?
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
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