also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize
