I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
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