i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
