We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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