I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
