Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
