The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
