shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
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