dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
