have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
You pole danced in your parka.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
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