I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
