my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
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