There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
