Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
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