Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
