No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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