Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
