So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Randomize
