Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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