Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize