I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
