overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
