her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Randomize
