Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
