if you like me you must not know who I am
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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