Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
