Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
