i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
