last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
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