There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Help. Why am I so naked?
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
