the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Randomize
