I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
