Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
