This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Randomize
