having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
