Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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