GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
