I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Randomize
