dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
