We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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