OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
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