i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Fuck me I smell like cheese
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Randomize
